Deaf and Hearing Siblings in Conversation by Marla C. Berkowitz

Author:Marla C. Berkowitz
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: McFarland
Published: 2014-08-11T04:00:00+00:00

Children Learn What They Live

Hearing siblings witnessed isolation leaving its mark. The twelve hearing siblings we interviewed were aware, though in differing degrees, that their deaf siblings were left out of family exchanges and banter. Typically, the family might be sitting at the dinner table. Everyone was participating in or overhearing family conversations, but deaf siblings were there too, invisibly staring into space, possibly exhausted from chasing conversations. The young hearing children, bewildered by their deaf sibling’s exclusion, were unsure whether or not anyone saw what they saw. Not knowing what to do or what to make of their uneasiness, they kept it to themselves. Confusion spilled into feelings towards their parents, as the hearing siblings found themselves bombarded with many unanswered questions: “Why am I an integral part of these daily conversations but my parents and siblings constantly exclude my brother? What is this gnawing pain in my stomach? What am I supposed to do?” Yet the hearing siblings all went on with their busy lives. As adults, they found their own way to maneuver around these issues. Their level of awareness was on a continuum, with behavior revealing the extent of actions taken to provide access for their deaf siblings at home, with relatives at family gatherings or with friends and strangers. Several siblings barely noticed their deaf sister or brother’s isolation, taking little or no action. Others accepted the isolation as the deaf sibling’s life journey, which had nothing to do with theirs, or saw it but did not want to take on the obligation of keeping their sibling in the loop. In contrast, some hearing siblings conquered confusion by taking action to stop the isolation. Perhaps others carried unresolved bewilderment into their adult lives.

As adults, some hearing siblings continued having intimate relationships with relatives and noticed their deaf siblings not chatting with grandma or a favorite uncle, but sitting in a corner reading. Deaf siblings missing innumerable opportunities to connect with hearing relatives pained several hearing siblings. Simultaneously, several hearing siblings who became involved in the DEAF-WORLD believed the relatives were deprived of the chance to learn about a rich, diverse, interesting culture from the perspective of a deaf person. From a multitude of gatherings where the isolation occurred, the deaf and hearing siblings heard the family’s message: the deaf siblings were not equal family members.

NEVER MIND. IT’S NOT IMPORTANT.

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